I’ve prayed long and hard about other women who have impacted my life as a young girl, but the four mentioned are all God has given me. There seems to be about three years that my life was devoid of any real nurturing influence. They were hard years. Years that honestly I don’t remember much about, apart from a few bits and pieces. Those bits and pieces weren’t good. I remember feeling very much alone. Forgotten. Unlovable. During this time I began looking for love and acceptance where ever I could find it. I just waited to feel loved.
But then, what was love? I didn’t really have a clue. The love that was often showed to me was conditional and skewed. It was a love that took and left me empty inside. There was my mother, who I know loved me. Cared for me. Made sure my needs were being met. But there was never any emotions expressed. The words were never heard. She hadn’t heard them either.
I wanted love. Needed love. But I only knew a wrong kind of love.
When I was 15 I met a girl. Her name was Gina. I don’t remember what is was about her exactly that drew me to her I only knew I wanted to be her friend. I was drawn to her in a way I had never been before. There was something different about her.
I now know it was Jesus.
Gina told me that we couldn’t be finds. Her parents didn’t like her to be close friends with girls like me. Girls like me? I didn’t understand. They had never met me, how did they know that I was a bad girl? I kept it to myself. But inside I was even more afraid. Could people really see me? Could they see all the way into the deep dark places?
She went on to tell me it was because I smoked and I wasn’t a Christian. We could still talk in school but we couldn’t “hang out” together.
“I wasn’t a Christian?” What did that mean? I asked her to tell me what she meant. She told me about Jesus. I had heard a lot about God and I had already decided I didn’t need Him. I didn’t need no father.
But Jesus? He died for me and I was a sinner – a really bad one too. Inside I knew there was nothing good about me. But she told me that it didn’t matter, He knew all about me and still chose to die on the cross for my sins. WOW!
I wanted to know more. She went on to explain that it should had been me to die for my sins. I deserved death, not Jesus. But God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son so that I might live forever and ever with Him in heaven. She asked me if I wanted to invite Jesus into my heart and life. I said yes. Anyone who loved me enough to die for me must really love me.
I realize looking back now that I choose to ignore the fact that Jesus was God, they were One. I worked very hard to keep them separate. I still didn’t know if I really needed a heaven Father. But that’s another story. :-)
Gina shared her Jesus with me. We became good friends. We became sisters. She stuck by me through a lot of difficult moments, many wrong life choices. She didn’t always understand. I am sure there were times she wanted to give up on me. I never let her into the dark places. I never let Jesus into them either.
She was and is my sister. It’s been 35 years of friendship. Of sisterhood. Sister Friends. We’ve had years go by without much communication but when one of us would pick up the phone and call it was like we talked yesterday.
I deeply value the part of me that is because of Gina. She showed me Jesus. She showed me His love for me. A real love, an unconditional love. She showed me the love of a sister. A sister who always loves no matter what.
I wanted to be like her when we were teenagers. I still want to be like her.
I followed her around school. We were always together…except when we were fighting! You know-girl drama. lol I still follow her. Only now it’s on Facebook, Twitter and Blogging. I follow her as she follows Jesus.
Today with social media we are in contact even more. Sharing prayer, God moments and notes of encouragement. I love her deeply from the heart with a love that desires God’s best for her. I am thankful that God brought her into my life 35 years ago and I am thankful she has chosen to stay in my life.
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